“Those who look to the stars set their vision too low”
At some time in my early teens I peeked into my father’s high school yearbook and under his picture I read the above motto. Little did I know at the time but those words would have a profound impact on my formative years.
As most other young people, I viewed my parents, especially my father, as being the citadel of all truth and performance. After all, in my very limited life experience, what other standard could I compare them to? In, all fairness, however, I can see that as I matured they seemed to take a quantum leap in wisdom and knowledge. Why do our parents delay their advent of wisdom until we, their children, reach our later years?
Taking advantage of the gift of 20-20 hindsight, I can thank my folks for honestly doing their best they humanly could with who they had to work with- a young human being (we’ll leave the final assessment of their labors to someone else ,however.)
“Those who look to the stars…” seems to be an innocent enough or even a somewhat noble statement on the surface, but beneath lurks a veritable emotional monster- perfectionism.
Perfectionism that causes one to think in absolute terms- black or white- all or nothing, which in turn results in a never ending series of unattainable, unrealistic goals. An illustration of this would be the student English major who approached his professor after the final term exam papers were issued and said,” Professor, you gave me a 99 and I deserved a 100.” To which the professor replied, “My son, 99 is the best grade in the class, you should be happy.” The student promptly shot back,” It’s not good enough, either give me 100 or give me a 0.”
Low self esteem and its counterpart, low self worth, plague the perfectionist. He is in the constant comparison mode: “I wonder how I can measure up to so- and –so.” The biggest problem with the comparison is that it is usually with number one-the very best.
A personal best is not good enough- it’s “my best compared their best!” Therefore, there is an absolute aversion to being average. A “B” grade is mediocre and a “C”, well, that is nearly failing!
Contrary to what would be expected, the perfectionist, despite his absolutes and his extreme demands on himself and others, is actually less efficient and productive than non- perfectionists. Resultantly, they earn 15 to 20% less than their normal counterparts. In their battle to reach the stars and become humanly perfect, they miss the truth that they are perfectly human. Something we are all destined to be this side of Heaven and the stars.
Thankfully, there is help for the crippling effects of this emotional psychosis. In the next article I’ll elaborate on some of the other causes of perfectionism, and of course, the cure.
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