Hope for the Perfectionist

     As hopeless and enmeshed in futile, debilitating activity as the life of the perfectionist might seem, please take heart in one simple fact: there is hope for you.

     The old adage that the first step toward an effective cure is an accurate diagnosis holds especially true in this case. Can you identify with any of the following statements used by some people to define the word “perfect ?”

     *Doing nothing wrong; making no errors.

     *Pushing yourself to reach an impossible goal.

     *Doing something so well, nothing could make it better.

     *The need to have everything and everyone in just the right order.

     *Having internal and external levels of expectations both for yourself and     

      others that are so high as to be deemed as unreasonable.

          By adopting these beliefs we can see how easily one’s reach can exceed his grasp!

          For those perfectionists in hiding here is a simple test used by Dr. David Stoop that will help you determine if you have a problem with perfectionism.  Simply state whether you agree or disagree with the following statements about yourself:

      *I often put things off because I don’t have time to do it perfectly.

      *I expect the best of myself at all times.

      *I generally think I could have done better.

      *I get upset when things don’t go as planned.

      *Other people can’t understand my desire to do things right.

      *I am disappointed in the quality of other’s work.

      *I feel my standards should be the highest possible , allowing for a clarity of direction and a standard of performance.

      *If anything that I do is considered average I am unhappy.

     *I think less of myself when I repeat a mistake.

            If you agreed with five or more of the statements you probably need some adjusting. Two or less and you are near perfect and need to find a perfectionist that you can irritate.

       In studies by Dr. David Burns, he reports that about one half of our population would clearly be  perfectionistic. Dr. Stoop has found that 80 % are somewhat perfectionistic and are likely to struggle in broad areas of their lives while others had pockets of perfection. Approximately 20% were found at the extremes- high or low.

     For those who need adjusting may I offer the following suggestions to help you out of the quagmire of perfectionism? The list is by no means exhaustive, but it’s a start.

*Recognize that your perfectionism is crippling you and making you less productive and effective. Make the choice now to let it go.

 

*Learn to forgive yourself. Do it frequently throughout the day whenever necessary, even if it is many times. Try this: “ I forgive myself for messing up… (example) and I release myself from my judgment.” Put away the judge’s  gavel!

 

*Give yourself permission not to finish everything today.

 

*Be sure your priorities are the same as God’s for the day. You may not get everything done, just be sure to start with the most important.

 

*Learn to relax. Relax your expectations of yourself and others to a more reasonable and attainable level. By relaxing you will do better the next time.

 

*Ask yourself frequently whether you are creating an atmosphere of tension and pressure around you or one of peace, godly motivation, challenge and fulfillment.

 

     In conclusion, if anything is really worth doing, it is worth doing imperfectly. And, in the words of Will Rogers: “It’s great to be great but it’s greater to be human.”